It is absolutely normal to still feel pain several years after experiencing multiple losses, especially if they were significant and happened in close succession. Grief doesn’t follow a specific timeline, and the process of healing can take much longer than we often expect, particularly with multiple losses.
In fact, it’s common for grief to resurface in different ways over the years. Feeling pain long after the losses occurred is not unusual.
Here are some reasons why the pain may persist after such a long time:
1. Delayed or Complicated Grief
Sometimes, grief takes time to fully surface. In the early months, or even years, after a loss, people may be in a state of shock or numbness, and the true emotional weight of the loss might not be fully felt. As life slows down and you have more space to reflect, those feelings can come rushing in and feel just as intense as they did in the early days.
Multiple losses can also complicate the grieving process. You’re not just processing one loss, but several, often overlapping. This can lead to emotional confusion and extend the time it takes to truly heal.
2. Layered Losses
When losses come in quick succession, they can form a sort of grief stack. Each new loss adds to the emotional weight of the previous one. It’s not uncommon to still be working through the feelings from the first loss, even as new ones occur.
When grief isn’t fully resolved from one experience, the next loss can leave you in a state of emotional limbo.
3. Ongoing Emotional Processing
Grief isn’t linear. It ebbs and flows; it doesn’t simply end.
You might have moments when the pain feels less intense, but then it resurfaces during a quiet moment or when you least expect it. That’s completely normal. In many ways, it reflects how we, as humans, process loss over time — in waves, not in straight lines.
4. Unresolved Emotions
If there were unresolved feelings related to the losses — such as regret, guilt, anger, or unspoken words — grief may be prolonged.
Sometimes, not being able to fully say goodbye or lacking closure can make it feel like grief is lingering longer than expected.
5. The Impact of Multiple Losses
When multiple losses occur in a short period, the brain and body may not have time to adjust or begin healing before the next blow. This constant emotional strain can prolong the grieving process and leave you feeling like you’re still carrying the weight of those losses, even years later.
Therapy or Grief Counselling
Speaking to someone who can help guide you through the emotional complexities of multiple losses may be deeply beneficial.
Sometimes, a professional can help uncover aspects of your grief that have been buried or not fully processed. I offer both in-person and online sessions to support people in finding peace through the many stages of grief.
Mediumship
I also work as an evidential medium, bringing messages of love, resolution, and reassurance from the spirit world. These messages often affirm that your loved ones are still nearby.