What does autonomy mean in simple terms?

In its simplest sense, autonomy is about a person's ability to act on his or her own values and interests. Taken from ancient Greek, the word means 'self-legislation' or 'self-governance.

What is social connection and what are the benefits?

Social integration results in lowered aggression, increased tolerance dyadic connectedness improves behavioral coordination and cooperation, ensures investments are returned

Above, we have basic definitions of connection and autonomy.  

Autonomy sounds fairly simple, who wouldn?t want self legislation or self governance? It may be what everyone wants but it?s not always what we see when we look at the interactions people have with each other. We see extremes where some people can?t make decisions on their own or they?re held tightly by a religion or family rules. Perhaps someone comes from a family with a different set of moral values and it?s hard for them to perceive their way of doing things may clash with someone else?s sense of autonomy. They may try controlling their partner, insisting they conform to their way of doing things, thereby dismissing what their partner needs to retain a sense of themself. It can be hard for the trodden on partner to defend their autonomy if they come from a family where one or both of the caregivers or older siblings didn?t respect the child?s need for self governance. The child?s biology was developed in an environment that led them to believe they had to give some part of themself away to lease the others. That will result in a deep feeling of unworthiness that will stay with the person throughout their life until they can break down the pieces in a safe and empathetic environment. On the other hand, if this same wounded person comes into a relationship with someone that is attuned to themselves and others, the healthy partner, friend or facilitator can help the other one develop a stronger sense of self attachment if they show up with consistent support. It?s been shown that a healthy and loving partner can help a person overcome unhealthy adaptations within about a five year span. The person needs to be reminded over and over that they are worthy of their own feelings and beliefs so they can build new neural pathways and hold themselves steady in the face of force.

Once the person is feeling more worthy they will be able to have healthy connections with others. They will feel their own boundaries and have a better sense of others.  

A person may find themselves running into problems if they?re boundaries were disrespected and be mis-attuned to other people?s. This can show up in many different ways, even including bad humor because they can?t recognize another person?s sensitivities. They may always be confused and not understand why others become frustrated with them, leading them to a life of seclusion. 

If a person?s needs were not met during gestation, as an infant or child then they may develop a disorganized attachment style and not be able to give back in a relationship. The relationship becomes one-sided and again the person has problems with connection.

In conclusion, a healthy balance of autonomy can lead to rewarding connections. To achieve that we must learn our own self worth and discover where we may give parts of ourselves away to please others or keep ourselves safe from feeling unpleasant emotions.

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